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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Facebook Scares Me

Okay, Facebook is starting to scare me. I haven't even filled out my profile yet except to put up a picture and I have all these people from my past asking to be my friend on there. It's bringing back memories I had forgotten and don't really want to remember. I hated most of Elementary and Jr. High school... why in the hell would I want to be friends with these people now? Add to that my work colleagues on there and it's a little nerve-wracking. None of them know I'm gay. Although, I'm sure if they look at my friends list and see that most of 'em are gay they'd probably figure it out.

Today is my... um... the person I'm in love with's birthday. I dropped off her birthday gifts after work and stayed to watch Oprah. It went better than I thought it would... she actually made a little small talk. She enjoyed the gifts a lot but told me I didn't have to get her anything (um.. yeah, like I'd just not get her anything). I asked her if she wanted me to order something for dinner, but she said she was going to finish her leftovers in the fridge and then test out her mega-expensive knee brace in the park to see if she could run with it. Hopefully that went well. I'm sure she'd be happier if she could run. So, overall it was okay but still heartbreaking.

Sigh... it's so fucking hard...

Anyway, I took Molly to the vet. The vet thinks she may be a little constipated... gave her some kind of antibiotic shot and told me to get her to try to eat chicken baby food. I'm not sure if she's actually eaten any, I'll have to phone my grandmother to ask. She was sooooo terrified in the car because she hasn't left the house in a couple of years and when we came back she hid under the couch but I went and got her out and cuddled with her under a blanket until she *finally* relaxed and started purring. She's so darn cute. My other cat, Simon, still has bathroom issues.... he still goes in certain areas of the house. It has to be behavioural or something. My grandmother doesn't seem to mind cleaning up after him though... so he still has a home. I used to live over there, but moved out a year ago...

I haven't been walking in days.... haven't done anything related to exercise in days. Still eating pretty well though, so that's something. I'm just finding it really hard to motivate myself to do anything right now. I don't even want to lay in bed and mope... I wish the body came with a power switch so I could just turn myself off for a while. I can't sleep at night... I lay there until 1, 2 or 3 in the morning thinking about how much my personal life sucks right now. And then when I'm done with that for a few minutes, I think about the things at work that suck.

I want my girlfriend back from five months ago. :(

Today I'm grateful for:

* My limbs (if you watched Oprah, you'll know what I'm talking about)
* Season 2 of The Closer that came in the mail today
* My best friend for giving me a pep talk at lunch time when I was feeling especially low
* My work ethic... basically the only thing keeping me going at work right now when I can barely crawl out of bed in the morning and have other things on my mind while I'm sitting at my desk.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm so scared someone is going to talk me into getting a Facebook account. Too many things to obsessively check every day!

As for the rest... *hugs*

Love you.

Sam