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Tuesday, July 31, 2007


Twenty years ago to the day, a tornado hit Edmonton, destroying a lot of homes and killing a lot of people.

I'm looking outside and the sky is pitch black in the North and in the West. Lovely...

I went on one of the personals sites to check messages (yes, I'm obsessed... happy Jen?) and that girl that I'm interested in was on there. We had a brief chat before she had to leave to babysit her cousin's kids and here's what I found out. She lives in my freakin' neighbourhood!!! How freaky is that?!?!?!?!?! She could live on my block for all I know. It's kind of scary, actually. I'm always in the neighbourhood walking around... we may have seen each other at some point. Crazy. Anyway, she suggested we go out for coffee sometime...

I tried to order from Swiss Chalet online but apparently my address is invalid because it's not a street or an avenue. Fuck that. Swiss Chalet can go to hell... right after they deliver my food that I had to use the *phone* to order.

I had insane amounts of energy at work today... I think in the past week or so I've finally bounced back to my usual self. Yay! I love being happy and productive. : )

Today I'm grateful for:

* Crazy coincidences!
* Energy
* More progress on my project at work
* My male twin at work
* No funnel clouds today

Monday, July 30, 2007

What? There are non-addicts out there?

Okay, seriously... how can people stay away from the Internet for days at a time? This concept is foreign to me....

Anyway... still waiting for my message to be answered. Still driving me crazy...

I suffered at work today with my back strain. I was so glad for the end of the work day to arrive so I could go to my chiropractor and massage appointments. Man... my massage therapist beat the crap out of me, but it was great. I'm going to go back in three weeks.

I've decided to take next Tuesday off so I have a four day weekend... that will be nice.

I'm starting to really miss my TV... especially right before bed. Oh well... one of these years I'll spend the $600 to buy a new one...

Today I'm grateful for:

* A pretty good office mate
* Finally some progress on an urgent work project
* My massage therapist
* My heating pad
* My pharmacist for calling me to see how I was doing on that medication. Totally unexpected... maybe I should be dating *her*...
* Ailing friends who still find the time to e-mail me

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Going Crazy...

Okay, just in case you didn't know, a three mile walk + 28 degree heat + 67% humidity = sick. I felt okay while I was walking, aside from the sweat pouring off of me and the feeling like the air was thicker than paste... but man, once I got home, stretched and took a shower... bleah.... I feel like absolute garbage now. Maybe it'll help me sleep though...hmmm....

Alright, I know I said I wasn't going to say much about the personals yet, but I have to mention that there is this one girl on one of them that I really like more than the others. The only problem is, she takes a day or two to reply. I think she's new to the online scene (I didn't know there were people still people like that left in urban areas who had access to computers) and she says she is skeptical to the whole finding someone online thing... so this may be tough going. So yeah, I spent the weekend checking every so often to see if I got a reply... but nothing yet. Why I'm even mentioning this, I don't know... it's definitely not increasing my coolness, lol...

Another girl contacted me via MSN messenger earlier this evening. We had a pleasant chat, but she started flirting and I got a little freaked. It makes me wonder if I'm ready for this stuff and if I know what I'm getting myself into. I definitely do not want to jump into some kind of relationship just for the sake of having one. And I say 'relationship' and not 'dating' because in my experience, it's really freakin' hard to explain to a girl how you're dating her *and* possibly others because it's only weeks in and nobody has said it's exclusive. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See? This is tough.

Today I'm grateful for:

* Moving on a little further
* My family
* Two weeks of vacation still left this year
* More weight loss

Saturday, July 28, 2007

I heart Helen Stewart...

Now if only I could find *her* on a personals site...heh...


I have been purposely vague on my adventures with the personals sites because in the past, whenever I've given details to friends about potential girls, I've always jinxed myself and it's never worked out. I think this time I'm going to at least wait until I've met some a few times.

I need to go out and get my glasses repaired. I usually keep them at work so I never forget them, but I can't take the scratched lenses anymore. I think the arms (is that what you call 'em? I don't know...) need to be tightened as well.

My stomach is still really weak today. I was really hungry for breakfast this morning so I scrambled an egg and had a piece of toast with it and that was fine... but an hour later my stomach hurt so bad. I'm not sure what the hell I'm going to do to ease this aside from over the counter antacids, etc.

Honestly, all I really feel like doing is sleeping. Maybe I should just take a nap...

Today I'm grateful for:

* Hope
* The option of napping
* My sister breaking up with her boyfriend for what seems like the 487th time
* Finishing my laundry
* The health I have and the ability to do all of those seemingly simple things like walk and speak and hear and taste and see and swim and read...and love.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Lame Friday update

I read HP7 from 4:30 - 11:30 pm yesterday to finish it. I absolutely loved it. I couldn't fall asleep after I finished it because I was still exhilarated from the story...

I dragged my ass to work with about four hours of sleep and worked from 7 am - 8 pm. I'm so tired I can hardly see straight. My eyes hurt so much from reading HP and sitting in front of a computer (so naturally I'm on one complaining...) so I'm off to bed shortly. I still have not purchased a new TV, which sucks, but dammit they are so expensive!

My new medication made me so sick and dizzy this week that I did not take my dose today. I still feel a little sick though, and I can barely eat anything without wanting to throw up. I'm thinking I'll be calling the doctor on Monday and not taking any more of it.

I don't have much plans for the weekend aside from laundry and catching up with e-mail and messages from some of the personals sites. Tomorrow is supposed to be above 30 again, so I doubt I'll go walking or jogging until late evening. I haven't been out at all since Monday... damn busy schedule all of a sudden...

Today I'm grateful for:

* E-mails with substance...
* The end of the work week
* Messages on the personals sites
* More steps forward and none backward
* Being satisfied and happy with how the HP series ended

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Tired and apparently busy all of a sudden...

For the past two days, I've been feeling some side effects of the new medication I'm trying. I've been dizzy and nauseated for most of the past two days, which hasn't worked out well with my schedule. Last night I had to go out right after work with a corporate visitor from HQ in the US and two managers from work... we ended up going for a lengthy dinner and a few drinks and then went on one of the roller coasters in the mall. It was a pretty fun evening, but needless to say, I practically fell into bed and passed out.

Today was brutal at work and the side effects of the medication seemed to be a little worse today, probably due to my late night and lack of sleep. I ended up working an hour and a half overtime and then went out with one of the managers to a much closer mall to get a few work related errands taken care of. I got home shortly before 8 pm and fell into bed once again, but decided to read another chapter of HP7... and now I'm yawning my face off but unable to fall asleep. Sigh...

I'm not sure what's going on in regards to the online personals...

Jen needs to update her freakin' blog... just sayin'...

Today I'm grateful for:

* A/C
* My bed
* Quiet in the house
* My work ethic
* One day closer to getting to sleep in...

Monday, July 23, 2007

Fuck off, heat!!!

Pardon my language... but holy fuck, I can't take this anymore. Once again it's above 30 today, clear sky and I nearly melted to death on the way to my doctor appointment after work. Yes, walking into the doctor's office soaking wet from sweat is such an awesome look...

The doctor wasn't as bitchy today as she was last time. She prescribed me my usual but added a small dosage of something else to take daily that will hopefully curb my anxiety that I've been plagued with since my break-up. And if that doesn't do the trick, she also prescribed me another drug that I can take in case of an anxiety attack away from home or at bedtime to help me sleep. I just hope that the one she prescribed me to take daily doesn't cause me to gain weight because it's sort of in the Prozac family and that one made me gain a ton of weight. :(

It's way too hot to go walking or jogging today. I'm exhausted just from being in the car for over and hour with no A/C. Bleah. I'm cooking dinner and then I'm going to finish off the first season of Lost hopefully. Or read some more HP7... it's beginning to get really good and addictive now.

Oh, I checked one of those personals sites and see I had three messages today. :D Now I'm kind of scared... I don't know how I want to go about handling them. Am I ready for quasi-dates? I don't know. I don't think so... but dammit, I need to get out. I definitely don't want to hurt anyone, that's for sure. Ah, we'll see how it goes...

Today I'm grateful for:

* Non-bitchy doctor
* Being able to walk 3 miles like nothing
* HP7 for a distraction
* Non-bitchy co-workers today
* Messages!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Okay, so I'm looking at these online personal ads and it's enough to send someone into a deep depression. Apparently there are only five single lesbians in Edmonton. I don't like any of their profiles... they're kind of creepy. There are about five trillion single gay men in Edmonton, according to these sites and who's online, etc. Fuck... I envy gay men and their ability to not fucking hide away and take a chance. Lesbians? Forget about it... sigh...

Do I even want a date? No. I'm still in love with my undeserving ex. Do I want to meet someone as a friend? Yes. If I actually meet someone will they hit on me and make it really awkward and eventually I'll have to avoid them if I don't want to return that attention? Oh, probably. That's usually how it happens. If I like the person a lot, they drift away. If I don't, they're drawn to me like a fucking magnet. Why this is, I'll never know. Maybe I could un-block some of the girls on my MSN list and ask them...

I didn't even leave the house today, except to go for a 2 mile walk. I took a three hour nap around lunch time. I read some HP and surfed the lesbian sites. Fuck, I'm boring. I should have went out swimming or golfing or at least went to the driving range. Better yet, I could have done laundry or something really useful. This isn't getting me any closer to any of my goals, staying inside...

God, I miss her...

Today I'm grateful for (really stretching it today..):

* The last HP book to read
* Tomorrow I get to occupy myself with work
* A/C in the house when it's 30 C outside
* My iPod

Saturday, July 21, 2007

All done up with no place to go...

I am exhausted. I got up at 7:30 this morning, took a shower, went to the store to buy the final Harry Potter novel and then to my hair appointment. I began reading the novel while I was getting my hair highlighted but reading makes me sleepy, so I'm soooo drowsy now but my hair is all styled and stuff, so I don't want to sleep on it. Not like it would matter much... it's not like I have plans tonight. Sigh...

I'm watching more episodes of Lost this afternoon. I wanted to go for a walk but I strained a muscle in my foot and it hurts a lot.

I haven't had any luck with finding gay friends on the online sites yet. That sucks but hopefully things might change. :/

Maybe I should take a nap...

Friday, July 20, 2007

Ah, my bad...

I meant to write more yesterday but I ended up wasting the evening watching Lost. I have decided that it is a terrible show, but I'm continuing to watch it because a) I don't have a TV of my own to use, and b) I need some mega distraction. I've hit another rough patch...sigh... and last night and today have been really tough to get through.

Anyway, yesterday was another example of how real karma is. What goes around comes around, everyone gets theirs in the end, etc., etc. A co-worker who made our work environment very tense, was nasty to almost everyone and made it their personal mission to take me down in any way he/she could got fired yesterday. I knew it was coming, I suppose, but it was still a huge shock. It doesn't matter who it is and how much they deserved to get fired, it always hits me like a punch in the gut. It always makes me realize that something like that can seemingly come out of nowhere...

Needless to say the atmosphere at work today was a lot more relaxed. It was like the whole place took a deep breath and let it out.

Hm... what else...

I have decided not to buy a new TV this weekend. I'm going to get my hair cut and my highlights touched up instead. Next week, it's a toss up between purchasing a TV and getting the gym membership I've wanted for a while now. The membership is for this huge recreation complex that has everything from swimming to ice skating to field sports, indoor track, cardio equipment, weight training... and that's just at the one location. There are two other places in the area that the membership is good for... one of them is literally two minutes away. It's about $32 /month, but my work will reimburse me for some of it if I pay for an annual membership. I will need to pay the full $385 or so all at once... so I think the TV might wait a few more weeks.

I haven't been walking or jogging in three days because it's been so gross outside. If only stress burned calories, I'd weigh about 25 lbs. As it stands now, I've lost another 2 lbs... woo. I think I've lost some inches as well... I don't know, I should have measured myself a while back so I could tell for sure. All I know is my clothes are getting looser.

I took my parents out for dinner today. We went to Swiss Chalet, which I love because they have great options for eating healthy. I had the quarter chicken with a cucumber salad and steamed vegetables... whole grain roll on the side. Mmmmmmm....

I started watching another episode of Lost with my sister this evening (the jerkface watched a couple of episodes without me...) but she has now paused it and went out to get herself a blizzard from Dairy Queen. I should totally unpause it and start watching it without her...

Things I should accomplish this weekend:

* Wash bedding
* Wash clothes
* Go swimming at least once
* Either go golfing or hit balls at the range
* Find a new pair of work shoes
* Not text messaging my ex

And let's see...

Today I'm grateful for:

* The end of the work week
* Another distraction (as lousy as the show is)
* 3 hr hair appointments
* Sleeping pills
* Bad Girls fanfic

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Bleah... it's 27C with 66% humidity, so it feels like it's about 36C... ick.

Huge shock at the end of the work day... I'm still reeling.

Watching Lost with my sister. I've never watched the show before... it's kind of weird...

More later...

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The day after

Wow... this day was insane. Work was... well, if only I could actually talk about work on here... but alas, I like my job and would like to keep it. You always hear about those people who blogged about work and were sacked...

After work I went to my chiropractor to get adjusted because I could feel that my pelvis was displaced again. Ever since my really bad fall that left me almost unable to walk, my pelvis will twist like a corkscrew on random occasions... usually if I'm doing something really intensely physical or, like yesterday, when I'm trying to hold my TV unit from falling over.

After that appointment, I went to the front counter to pay and asked if I could make an appointment with my favourite massage therapist. I was expecting to have to wait until August. The girl was like, "Um... how about right now?" What a lucky break for me! She's always so booked up... but apparently someone had just phoned to cancel their hour long appointment. It was sooooooooooooooooooo nice. I'm going to go back on the 30th for another hour long session. Of course I'm really sore now, but hopefully I'll be able to sleep okay tonight.

Today I'm grateful for:

* Whoever cancelled their massage appointment so I could take it
* A/C in the house
* Finding awesome sports bras (finally)
* Getting a few answers at work, finally...

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Oh the irony...

So, today I'm talking with my new temporary boss at work about our quarterly bonuses and how something catastrophic always seems to happen the week we get 'em and usually all of the money goes to repairing or replacing whatever happened. In the past few years, I've had an emergency root canal, my engine seizing in my car, my bed breaking, a snowstorm destroying my front two tires from snow packing in the wheels on the way home, etc. So I told her, "I can't believe it, this is the first time in a very long time where nothing has happened yet and we get the bonus money on Thursday!" I then laughed and said, "Watch, something will happen tonight..."

Well... I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. I swear, damn near everything I say comes true.

About an hour ago, I was behind my TV stand (which is kind of high up) switching the cables from the VCR to the DVD player because I'm done watching my Bad Girls tapes. I guess I must have pushed the cable in too hard on the DVD player because suddenly the whole fucking thing tipped over onto the floor. So, yeah, my TV is busted. My VCR is busted. The electrical socket is fried. I tried plugging in the VCR (in another room) to retrieve the last Bad Girls tape from it but it wouldn't eject so I had to destroy the VCR to recover it. Jesus... I wish I could just buy the fucking show on DVD so I wouldn't have to have all of these tapes. Anyway, I think my DVD player is okay. It turns on and ejected the DVD that was in there... but I won't be able to tell for sure because, well, I don't have a working TV to hook it up to to check. So yeah, now I have no TV, no VCR, god knows what to the electrical socket, and a really sore back, arms and neck because of course my first instinct was to try to save it from going over.


I guess it could have been worse. I could have been in front of it when it tipped over. : )

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Par for the course...

I decided to sign on to gaycanada this afternoon to message some people looking for friends on there. I really need to get out and socialize with some more people. I'm sick of my co-workers and my married friends right now. Hopefully I'll get a few replies.

I must admit that I'm a little disappointed in Mel today. I thought I'd be able to see her before she left town, but she didn't call like she said told me she would. I wish she would have called to let me know she wouldn't be able to meet me at some point today. I would have went golfing or swimming instead of sitting around the house thinking about all of the stuff I don't want to think about right now.

I was looking for Nikki/Helen fic today, but everything seems to be either after Nikki is released or an uber scenario where they have different lives. Did nobody ever write fic about them still in the prison?

I have the urge to watch Pretty Woman... I'm not sure why.

And now, especially for Tiffany (thank you):

Today I'm grateful for:

* People who care
* Finding my Sarah Harmer CD that I couldn't find for months.
* Lame Kate Beckinsale movies on TV
* Another couple of lbs lost
* Not having the summer cold/flu going around right now

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Choice vs. Reality... bloody 'ell (too much BG for one week, I think)

If I were straight, I'd have a date tonight.

I met a nice guy tonight... he bought me a drink... we had a blast and, as it turns out, a lot in common... he was attractive and charming and quite in to me.

For all of the people in the world who think being gay is a choice or a cry for attention... I'll say this: I wish I were able to be straight. I wish I could change that and have an easier life. I've turned down three proposals in my lifetime... more dates than I can count... and more than a few offers for a casual night out (not all were turned down though...that's kind of a complicated issue), and all because when it comes down to it, I just can't be in a relationship with a guy. I just can't be straight. Yes, I can get on with a guy (okay, I've been watching too much Bad Girls... nobody in North American says 'get on with') but in the end, I just can't deny I want a woman.

The only problem is, women are fucking impossible. I'm going to leave it at that. I have a rant in my head, but I think I'll just leave it there for now. I just realize more than ever how true it is that everyone lives their lives as if they star in their own movie about themselves. Everyone forgets that the supporting characters aren't just there for them... they're starring in their own movie... a person's actions have an impact on everyone else, whether they realize it or not. Oh, how very difficult it must be to not be completely selfish and full of one's self. Whatever.

I think I'm going to be pathetic and go to bed before midnight on a Saturday night. I'm exhausted from the heat. It's almost 11 pm right now and it's still 28 C outside. My mind feels like going for a run, but my body feels like collapsing. I'm thinking my body is going to win on this one.

What a day...

I just got home from seeing the latest Harry Potter film. It was pretty well done considering there's no way it could ever match the book. It's nice to see them all get older...

I did what I said I was not going to do and I text messaged my ex to seek closure. I did not receive complete closure, but rather frustration. I came to realize this evening that I don't think I actually want her back at all. I think things have been sufficiently ruined between us and perhaps it's only what I think tonight, but I don't care to see her again.

I feel a bit strange...and completely alone, although not entirely in a sad way. More in a resigned way, I think. Ah, I'll throw in the last tape of Bad Girls that I have and see if Helen Stewart can snap me out of this, that is unless I fall asleep first. Work kicked my ass today and that on top of this other crap has completely exhausted me mentally and emotionally. I am really looking forward to seeing Bit (or Mel as everyone else calls her) tomorrow. I will finally get that hug that I've needed for the past two months.

Today I'm grateful for:

* My co-workers
* My suppliers who pulled miracles for me today
* My friends
* My family
* My resolve, however shaky it is at any given time

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

I don't know why I'm thinking about Finding Nemo this evening... when Dory and Marlin are trying to get the goggles... Marlin doesn't want to go down there even though he has to... Dory is singing that as she swims down... that's kind of how I feel this week. I'm forcing myself to be positive and keep moving even though I don't want to. I've hit yet another rough patch this week and it's taking a lot to stay buoyant (um, no pun intended), but goddamn it, I'm sick of feeling this way.

Yesterday, I was trading messages with an old friend from Jr. High that I haven't seen in years. We found each other again on Facebook and I finally sent her a message the other day, after waiting about a month. We caught up a little, and I told her that I'm in the process of recovering from a break-up, which is why I hadn't messaged her until now. I haven't told her that I date women... I suppose I should, but I don't know if I will yet. Anyway, we were talking about how some things are just not meant to be, etc., and how some things have to be let go. I realized then that I have a problem. I don't have complete closure. I think that's why this whole thing is like having a band-aid ripped off a wound every couple of days. I still can't help but think of that minuscule bit of a chance that things might change eventually. I've already come to terms with the fact that I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPENED. I CAN'T FIX IT. ONLY SHE CAN FIX IT. I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG. IT'S HER, NOT ME. (for once that actually rings true... ha ha..) I AM FREAKIN' AWESOME AND A GREAT GIRLFRIEND. I'M SUPPORTIVE AND GIVING AND LOVING AND TREATED HER LIKE GOLD. HELL, I'VE LOST 20 LBS SINCE SHE LAST SAW ME! IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME AND SHE'S ABLE TO WALK AWAY FROM ME THEN I CAN'T CHANGE THAT. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO. NOTHING. SHE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHANGE THIS SITUATION AT ALL. TEXTING WILL DO NO GOOD SO DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. LOOK AWAY FROM THE PHONE...

Heh... that was the pep talk I gave myself earlier. It's all true... but the truth is hard to swallow like one of those huge-ass vitamin pills that look like they'd choke a horse. And who actually wants to take those? Nobody. And I bet even a spoonful of sugar (splenda cuz I'm on a diet) wouldn't help, even if Mary Poppins herself came to ram it down my throat. Of course Mary Poppins is a huge bitch when you think about it. I would send her over to my ex's (yes, I said it) place and Mary would say, "Get the hell over it already. Shit happens but that doesn't mean you have to push your girlfriend away. You need people around you in times like these. You're getting your surgery and you'll be recovering just fine after that. Here, take this spoon full of reality and for god sakes, keep your room tidy." Ah well... as fun as that tangent was... the truth still sucks ass.

The bank finally called me today to tell me my loan was approved. Yay. Organized finances. I'm going in tomorrow morning to sign the paperwork. See? Nothing like having a broken heart to find the motivation to set everything else in my life right. Weight loss? Check. Finances in order? Check. Job situation okay? Check. Love life? In the toilet...

Well, I think I'll go back to watching season 2 (or I should say series 2) of Bad Girls. I believe I've fallen for Helen Stewart all over again. After this I think I've run out of things to watch. I think I'm going to have to sweet talk Jen into sending me some L-Word stuff. Hm... I wonder what it would take... I also wonder when the heck she's going to update her blog again... heh...

Today I'm grateful for:

* My grandmother having only broken a bone in her hand when she fell on some rocks the other day. It could have been a lot worse. Poor grandma... :(
* My job
* My new loan
* My iPod
* Bad Girls
* Getting my bedroom light fixed so I don't have to stumble around in the dark
* Aquacise extended to five days a week at the pool
* Being able to at least fake being happy most of the day. The highs are getting higher and the lows not so low. Still hurts like a motherfucker, but time takes time. Go figure.
* My friends who still put up with me even though I've been lame lately. Thank you.
* MSN chats with my American twin, the once every two months that they occur anyway... ;)
* Actually having to put away pants because they're too big for me. YAY!

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Lucky 7's?

Today is 07/07/07... I should have purchased a lottery ticket...

I am sore from walking today. Once I was out there, I just felt like going and going... and next thing I knew, an hour had gone by. I did a longer stretching cool-down afterwards but the damage is done. Ah well, maybe I'll go swimming tomorrow...

I caught James Blunt and Madonna's performances on the Live Earth thing on TV today, as well as some of the earlier tribal stuff they had going on in Johannesberg. I still can't believe how well Al Gore's message has caught the attention of so many. It's amazing when one person's ideas impact the whole world. It definitely doesn't happen often, especially regarding something so important. I can only wonder how much the United States would have shaped up and grown better if he had become president. Instead of traveling the world pleading for us to wake up and take responsibility, he would have had the resources to actually put changes in place. God knows what else would be different. It's no use wondering because the reality is the waste of time, power, money, and lives for the past six and a half years. At least Gore will be remembered for doing great things for current and future generations and will always be regarded with the utmost respect.

I also watched Big Daddy earlier and now I'm watching the last couple of episodes of the sixth season of CSI. I think I'm definitely going to have to find some more Sofia fic... with either Sara or Catherine. ; )

While chatting with Dr. Wendi a couple of days ago, she gave me the link to some N/H Bad Girls fic that I hadn't yet read. Man... now I feel like watching my old tapes. Maybe with some luck I can coax my VCR into working tomorrow.

Today I'm grateful for:

* Improved fitness
* Another day off
* IMDb
* People like Al Gore

Friday, July 6, 2007

T.G.I.F. for once...

I am so glad it is once again the weekend. I haven't been enjoying the weekends since the break-up, but this one I think I'm grateful for. I'm just flat out exhausted. I haven't been sleeping well at all this week so every day at work has been a struggle. Last night I fell asleep around 10:30 pm only to wake up at midnight in a panic. I actually got up out of bed before realizing whatever it was I was all freaked about wasn't real. Weird...

I went to the dentist this afternoon to get my nightguard adjusted. $110 later... holy cow. How can something like that cost that much money?? My goodness, dentists must be billionaires...

I'm watching Grey Matters right now. So far, so good. I watched Black Snake Moan last night and although it was weird, it was pretty good and had great acting in it.

So, I text messaged her to see how her appointment with the surgeon went. She said she's going to be having the surgery in the next month or two. I told her I knew they would and that this is one more step towards recovery. She said she hopes so. Of course this doesn't change anything between us....

I have absolutely no plans and no money (thanks to the dentist) this weekend. I guess it'll be another weekend of exercise, sleep and movie watching. Woo.

Today I'm grateful for:

* This hellacious day over with
* My weight loss
* Once again, A/C in the house

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Nerve-wracking day

Today I was really distracted at work. I didn't feel like being there because I was exhausted from not getting enough sleep the past three nights but I was also thinking about my appointment at the bank after work to redo my loan. The appointment went well, I think. I'll find out on Friday whether it's approved. I have really good credit, so I don't see why it wouldn't be.

Today is also the day she has an appointment with a surgeon. I found out when I broke down and text messaged her yesterday. I can tell she's in a very negative mood because when I expressed my surprise at how soon the appointment was she was like, 'yeah, I guess...still doesn't mean he will do anything though...will see tomorrow.' I know she won't let me know how it went today... she didn't tell me how the MRI appointment went in April either until I asked her. I'm not going to ask her today though. I don't know if I should at all...

I rented two movies tonight: Black Snake Moan and Gray Matters. It's too late to start one tonight, so I'll watch one tomorrow. Apparently, if I return Black Snake Moan by midnight tomorrow, I will get a dollar off my next rental. I guess that will be the one I'll watch tomorrow!

I feel like a slacker today... I had a nap after my bank appointment and didn't go for a walk like I should have. It's hard to go walking when it's this hot outside though. Tomorrow is supposed to be 32 C. Christ... Alberta isn't supposed to get weather that hot. Definitely time to ship it off to Toronto!!

Today I'm grateful for:

* Some financial motivation
* More CSI left to watch
* Gasoline back to 99.9 cents per litre
* A/C in the house and office (but unfortunately not the car)

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Hm... I think maybe I should stick to other topics on this blog.

Let's see...

It was very hot outside today. I did not go for a walk but I did a lap at the air conditioned mall instead.
Work went well. I think I may be getting another cost of living increase next month.
My chiropractor noticed my weight loss.
Tomorrow I'm going to the bank to redo my loan.
With the exception of the pepperoni on the pizza I had in Toronto, I haven't had red meat in a very long time.
White corn tastes a zillion times better than yellow corn.
It always seems to be past bedtime.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Day of rest

Man, it's freakin' hot outside. Environment Canada says it's only 24 C outside, but that's in the shade. In the sun, it's about 35 C. No humidity though, so it's a dry heat. Still, I had to limit my walk to 30 min today because my arms and face were starting to burn. I'm at the point now where I am jogging as well as walking... I guess that means I'm starting to get into shape again. I love how my iPod Nano is small enough to fit in my closed hand as well as in my shorts pocket without my even feeling it. What a great invention that was...

I am obsessed with my diet and exercising lately. It gives me something else to focus on for part of the day. It's pretty easy for the most part but there are things I absolutely love that I still have because I know if I went completely nuts with it, I'd end up completely falling off of the wagon one day (like I have in the past).

I have changed one thing that I never had in the past: cream in my coffee. I didn't think I could live without two cream in my Timmy's coffee. I had tried just one cream and that was nasty... black was even worse. Finally, I decided to try two milk instead of cream and I found that was an acceptable substitute.

It was nice having today off to rest. I caught up on some of my sleep today, watched a stupid horror movie with my sister and a couple more CSI episodes. I waited until the evening to go on my walk. It's hard filling in every hour of the day, but I did pretty well today...

Today I'm grateful for:

* My iPod Nano
* My friends
* Memories that don't make me cry
* The weight I've lost in the past month

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Canada Day

Golfing went pretty well this morning, considering I haven't golfed since September 29 th of last year. I'm pretty rusty of course, but had some really good shots. I ended up shooting a 86, which isn't too bad for only playing about a dozen times a year.

The first hole was hard, but after that my love for the game overshadowed the anxiety I was feeling. It was great to be out there again..

I'm going to the barbeque an ex co-worker is having this evening. Yet another thing I have to force myself to do to show myself it's fine without her. I don't understand why this is so emotionally crippling for me. I'm usually emotionally distant to friends, co-workers and family around here... perhaps it's so hard because it's my girlfriends that I let in close. When I lose them, I lose a lot.

Today I'm grateful for:

* Choosing to go golfing
* Plans for this evening
* CSI Season Six
* My bit