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Friday, February 29, 2008

29 on the 29th... 30 next month

My books arrived from Amazon today. The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy & Birth and Confessions of the Other Mother - Nonbiological Lesbian Moms tell all!

I met up with Jules at the downtown mall after work and she dragged me into various clothing stores while she tried on things for work. She decided this morning that she needed new trousers and blouses. We found some really nice things but then she wanted to go to Winners. Ugh... I HATE that store. The people working there are so rude and they have the strictest rules when it comes to trying on clothes or even looking at their cheap-looking jewelery. Jules went into the fitting room area with six articles of clothing. She thought she only had five though, so she told the woman she had five. The woman looked at her and said, "You have six!" in a really snotty tone. She, always a cheerful and patient person, said, "Oh, I'm sorry... yes, I must have mis-counted." The woman just gave her a dirty look and then escorted her to a room. I was looking for more trousers for her and went into the fitting room area to find her room to give them to her to try on but the woman wouldn't let me in unless I was going to try them on myself. I told her I didn't want to try them on, I just wanted to pass them to Jules. She said I had to wait outside the area until Jules came out. I stood there waiting what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only 10 minutes until Jules came out again. They practically grabbed the clothing she didn't want away from her before she could hand them off herself. Then, I handed her the trousers I wanted her to try on and she turned back to the fitting room but they practically yelled at her to stop because she needed a new number tag and she couldn't bring in the trousers she had already tried on back into the room. It was so stupid... I just wanted to leave after that. Jules had spotted some amber earrings that she really liked over at the jewelery counter on the way out (after she had tried on the other pair of trousers) and asked the woman there if she could see them. The woman took them out of the display case and put them on the counter, all the while holding on to them so Jules could not pick them up. Jules asked to see another pair she liked from the display case so she could choose between the two close up but the woman said she couldn't take out two pairs of earrings at once. What?! Jules explained that she wanted to choose between the two and to do that she needed to see them close together. Nope, couldn't do that. I was so ready to go home at this point but Jules patiently stood there and had the woman take each out in turn again and again until she decided. Finally she picked a pair and asked if she could pay for her trousers at the jewelery counter (because we couldn't take the earrings up to the front cashier). Nope, couldn't do that either... so we had to pay for the earrings first and then go up to the front and wait in line there. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........ I was so glad when we were able to go home!!!

Actually, that's not true... we stopped at the liquor store first and bought a bottle of wine to celebrate the raise I received yesterday and the phone call she received today about her upcoming citizenship. :) Now we're at home and we're watching The Money Pit with Tom Hanks and Shelley Long to unwind. Ahhhh.... the weekend.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Yay! Finally!

Yay! I finally got my long awaited raise today!

I have been waiting 13 months for this raise that I wasn't entirely sure was going to happen. Today I was taken by surprise by the plant manager who called me into his office to thank me for all of my work in the past year with my boss gone. I nearly teared up, I was so amazed that I was actually going to get one. It's nothing spectacular by any means, but it's very welcome and appreciated. :)

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

One Year Later...

Wow, I started this blog one year ago today. That's something of an achievement because many blogs are forgotten about by the author long before one year comes around. I feel a sense of commitment! ;)

I wish I could make my blog public again. To do that though, I'd probably have to change the name of it, the name I use, and remove all mention of my job. I'm thinking on that...

I've been really stressed out lately, mostly due to work but also due to the fact that I'm turning 30 in two weeks, I'm thinking about babies, my mom wants me to come out to my grandmother, Julie's parents arrive from England on my birthday for a week long visit..... the list goes on. This morning I was awake at 4 am thinking about all of these things and I just couldn't get back to sleep. I ended up feeling like a zombie by noon and could hardly drag my sorry ass home by 4:30 pm. I had a two hour nap that helped a lot but I think I could easily fall back asleep at any moment. I wish I could just chill out and relax. Ironically enough, I was looking back at last February's entries on my blog (all two of them) and it seemed I was having a similar problem with relaxation. Funny that...

Today I'm grateful for:

* Sleep
* Midol
* Kraft Dinner
* My girlfriend
* Change I asked for (and some I didn't...ack!)

Monday, February 25, 2008

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrolling along

Well, I rocked my presentation for work. I knew I would... it's easy to present when you know the information (and you're on codeine for menstrual cramps). ;)

Amazon.ca finally has some gay parenting/conception books available so I ordered a couple. I can't remember the names... I'll mention 'em again when I receive them.

Julie and I were talking last night before bed about children but I can't quite remember exactly what she said because I had taken a sleeping pill and was kind of groggy. I know she said something about not wanting children when she was growing up but considered it in her last two relationships. She thinks a factor in her marriage breaking up was the fact that she couldn't make a decision on children and her 'ex' wanted children badly. Her ex ended up getting together with Julie's ex girlfriend who had had twins the year before. A ready made family.

I told Julie that I'm concerned about her decision the other day and asked if she felt pressured. She answered honestly and said yes, a little bit, but that she wants a child and knows I'm merely starting to research it - I'm not going to a clinic tomorrow. I'm glad she realizes that - that I'm just gathering information and researching. There is a lot of things to learn and plan for and consider.

I think the first thing we need to work out is where the sperm is going to come from. I rather have an unknown-to-us donor. She rather have a known-to-us donor. We currently don't know any guys who would be willing to donate without involvement in the child's life. I, personally, would love to use our friend Ryan and think we would have a beautiful child, but he wants to be an active daddy. I don't think I could handle that at all. Another option is a guy that Julie worked with at one time who lives in Banff, Alberta. He's willing to be a donor without involvement but I personally think he has too many mental health issues. Last year he turned himself in to the hospital because he was suicidal and acted unbelievably odd and scary when Julie and Ryan visited him in October. I think that his DNA mixed with my DNA (I have depression) would be disastrous.

I see Tim Hortons has begun the Roll Up The Rim To Win promotion again. Ahhh... gotta love March. :) I swear though, I have the worst luck. Or, I'm at least tied with Stacey. At any rate, it should be called Roll Up The Rim To 'Please Try Again'.

Oh yeah, and my mother wants me to come out to my grandmother this year. Gahhhh.... that's going to be a tough one.

I see the spell check is not working again. Fantastic.

Today I'm grateful for:

* Tylenol 3
* Mild weather
* Perspective
* Options

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Turn Around

While at Wal-mart this evening, Jules came up to me with a package of two pacifiers and a pair of white booties with little ducks on them. She said, "Here's to getting our ducks in a row." and then told me in the most wonderful way that she wants to have a child with me. Yep, I ended up crying in Wal-mart.

Today I'm grateful for:

* My girlfriend
* Season one of Brothers & Sisters!
* My family
* Merlot from Chile
* Weather above 0C

The Game Of Life

Okay, I may not have the greatest memory and I hadn't played this game since I was about 7 years old, but wasn't The Game Of Life a LOT easier back then? Jules and I bought it last weekend and played a few rounds with the family and it was different and more complicated than I remember. It says right on the box 'Ages 9+'. I'm not even sure a 9 year old could fully understand all of the rules.

Then again, maybe it was this complicated all along and I just didn't know it...

Friday, February 22, 2008

Lazy Post

Every night, I intend to go online and write on my blog. Every night, something distracts me until suddenly I'm in bed, drifting off to sleep wondering where my evening went. So, here's the past week in review:

Work Sucks - My job is really stressful right now, so much so that I was daydreaming about quitting yesterday as I was quite emotional. My boss returns from mat leave in one week but where I once saw that as a welcome sight, I now fear will be an additional helping of stress. Or, I may be exchanging one kind of stress for another. I'm not sure. I will have to give it a few weeks to see what happens.

Julie's Ex Sucks - Julie's ex (or, I guess we could say 'wife') started lecturing her on finances and other stuff she shouldn't be talking about. She was running me down and on speaker phone yet! It was all crap and Julie has been upset for days. She's now impatient for the divorce and at the same time is sad that we all just can't be friends. This is also affecting our discussion on children. :(

Children or no children - Um... yeah, I don't know at this point. Julie flip flops by the hour right now, where she used to be all for having children (she gets angry when I say 'kids' or 'kid' because they aren't goats...). She also doesn't like the fact that I swear and my family swears a lot. No child of hers would be brought up with that. SIGH... just because I do now doesn't mean I can't stop. She's all mixed up about this right now and I'm just going to wait to see where she ends up on it. She told me yesterday that it's her ex that's causing her to be so all over the place this week.

Diet - I've gained 19 lbs since I started dating Julie. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! They say happiness makes you gain weight. Well, dammit, that sucks. We went grocery shopping last night for some healthier food and I want to start walking again. I was doing so well last year... I was up to 5+ miles a day! :/

Michael Clayton - SUCKS. Julie wanted to see it sooooooo bad so I picked it up the other day. We watched it last night and she loved it. I thought it was awful and even George Clooney couldn't save it (who, btw, is looking old! He's started to get jowls...holy cow!) I think I rather watch Ella Enchanted again than be subjected to watching Michael Clayton again. :(

Monday, February 18, 2008

Family Day

Where the hell has the weekend gone??? Thank goodness today is a holiday....

Here's a picture of the new family dog, Maxwell, from last week. I don't recommend clicking on them because they are HUGE and will probably scare you if viewed close up:

Isn't he cute? In a week he's almost doubled in size!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Temporarily Out Of Stock - whatever...

I usually go through my days not really bothered one way or another about the fact that I'm gay. At work, I am closeted by choice and outside of work (with the exception of the majority of my extended family) I am out. When I'm out with Julie, I rarely ever have a feeling of unease or scrutiny. This morning, though, I must say, I'm definitely feeling the sadness and frustration of being different.

I have decided to start reading up on conceiving a baby so that if the time comes (and I have a strong feeling it will), I will know what the hell we'd need or want to do regarding the various options and hurdles. So..... going online to find some good books available in Canada that would actually arrive on my doorstep this week seemed pretty reasonable.

Well... I have to say that I am disgusted with Chapters/Indigo for their lack of stock. Oh sure, they have a whole bunch of titles that show up when searching, but none of them are available online. They're all 'temporarily unavailable' or 'out of stock'. When searching for them at a store nearby, none of the 12 stores nearby had any of them. Why even bother having them show up in the search engine?? There is no place on the page to alert them to the fact that someone is actually interested in buying one so please order the fucking thing in so it's available!!!

Amazon.ca has some but they all say that they typically ship in 10-12 days. What?! Why so long? Probably because they have to get it from Amazon.com which has a load of them in the U.S.

Whatever. I'm mad. I tried Little Sisters bookstore in Vancouver but they only had an outdated version of one of them. I then went to the only bookstore in Edmonton that has a so-called gay section larger than one shelf and they also had an outdated version of one of them. By the way, the gay section was two whole bookcases... the size you have at home. Wow, how impressive...

We ended up visiting a Chapters after that just to see if maybe the website was somehow wrong (it wasn't). Amazing how the gay section at Chapters was four books crammed in with the Women's Studies books (which was four shelves). The baby/parenting section had a few relavent conception/iui books but they were not very engaging and the part about donors was five pages at most. Julie found a book for single moms that she gave to me to look at called 'Knock Yourself Up - A Tell-All Guide to Becoming a Single Mom' by Louise Sloan (a lesbian), which I initially put on the floor next to the other books I had flipped through and didn't want because I didn't think it was exactly relavent, but when I picked it up again to flip through, I found myself actually reading it. So, I ended up buying that one because at least it's an interesting read.

I'll probably end up ordering some books from Amazon.ca and waiting the time until they arrive. We'll see...
So far, weekend spent looking at books regarding conception/baby stuff.


Thursday, February 14, 2008

Canada and V-day stuff...

I decided not to even bother going to work today... I know I'd just end up leaving early again anyway. I'm feeling less dizzy but more sick to my stomach today... ugh.

I was thinking about Valentine's Day yesterday at work as I was accidentally writing Feb 14th for everything instead of Feb 13th. Doesn't Feb 13th look more Valentine Day-ish than Feb 14th? The 3 is all round and heart-shaped like... where as the 4 is all lines and sharp and stuff. Yes, I was clearly so sick yesterday that this was what I spent time thinking about.

Today is Julie's Canadian citizenship exam!!!! She was soooooooo nervous this morning, constantly asking me to read her questions and then the time because she didn't want to be late. She was originally going to take the bus, but with me home and it snowing, I drove her instead. Sometimes it's nice living right downtown. I told her to call me when she finished to let me know how she think she did but she hasn't phoned yet and it's been over an hour. Hm... I thought it was only 20 multiple choice questions or something. :/

They say that 80% of Canadians would not be able to pass the Canadian citizenship exam if they had to take it today. Isn't that sad? Canadians don't know squat about their own country. As I was helping Julie study for her exam, I realized that I didn't really pay much attention in school when it came to Canada. I always thought Canada was boring. I enjoyed learning about China and the United States and the U.S.S.R. much more than Canada. But, as it turns out, Canada was much more interesting before it became a country. I mean, at one time, the Eastern part of Canada owned half of the United States or something... I can't remember, my dad was trying to explain it to me the other day as it is his latest passion for some reason.

Anyway, here's a practice exam page that we were using as well as the booklet that was mailed out to Jules. I think the first time I took a 10 question one, I only scored 60%!

I don't think we're doing anything this evening as far as Valentine's Day is concerned. Probably just make dinner and watch either The Closer or The West Wing on DVD. Woo! Romantic first Valentine's Day together, eh?

I don't think Stacey & Angele will be having much of a romantic Valentine's Day either, but I'm sure they are more than fine with that as they have a perfect Valentine gift turning 1 year old today. Happy Birthday to little Riley!

Today I'm grateful for:

* Sick days
* My wonderful girlfriend
* My girlfriend finally getting the chance to write the citizenship exam
* My apartment
* Good people getting what they want most

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Same thing, different day...

Not much better today. Jules gave me a sleeping pill yesterday evening so that I would have a more restful sleep. It worked as I only woke up once before the alarm went off. I still felt a little off and did not have coffee and only managed half a bowl of cereal before work. Once I got to work, I had a bit of energy but that soon left me and by 9 am I was practically laying my head on the conference room table as I chaired a call with the sales team in Mississauga. They must have thought I was drunk or something. At 10 am, I tried eating something but it just made me feel a lot worse, so I left work at 11 am and slept from 1 pm - 4 pm. Jules came home at 5 pm and we went to a fish and chip place a block away. She was craving fish and chips and likes the place because the owners are from Newfoundland. Oddly enough, she ended up ordering poutine and an egg salad sandwich and I had fish and chips. I feel like crap now, of course, but there wasn't much else on the menu that appealed to me.

After leaving the fish and chip place, we walked to the store for milk and gingerale. Jules picked up a tube of chocolate mini eggs as well because she's addicted to them. On the walk home, the bag apparently ripped at the bottom and the mini eggs fell out. When we arrived home, she noticed they weren't in the bag and walked the path back to the store in hopes of finding them. No such luck apparenly... she came back looking dejected with a new tube of mini eggs.

More episodes of The Closer on tap tonight... then bed early. Ugh... I feel terrible. :(

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


Here's some tips for cooking chicken:

  1. Thaw chicken out fully before cooking
  2. Cook chicken thoroughly
  3. Have lights on when eating chicken in case it's not cooked
  4. When in doubt, cook it longer

I kept waking up in the middle of the night last night, feeling sort of ill. I was feverish and nauseated and felt dizzy. In the morning, I felt a little better but couldn't eat breakfast because of the nausea. By lunch time, I was dizzy and had a fever and felt very nauseated. I left work and came home to sleep but that didn't really work because I'm just burning up and restless. This evening I'm laying on the couch while Jules watches The Closer. She just finished season one and is moving on to season two. I hope season three comes out soon... I really enjoy that show.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

The Weekend (over in a nanosecond... sigh)

What a week. I went into work on Thursday to a mountain of work and utter chaos. One of my colleagues is leaving the company this upcoming Thursday, so the department went out for lunch to... I don't know, what do you call it... it's not celebrating their departure... um... buy them lunch for having worked their? Whatever. Anyway, it was an excuse to leave the office and focus on something more fun.

Friday wasn't much better, work-wise... lots of stress and running around doing a million things. It felt just as much of a write-off as Thursday, only longer. After work, Jules and I went out to an expensive restaurant of her choosing to celebrate our six month anniversary a few days early (it's on the 12th). The restaurant ended up being terrible, so that was $85 for very little. Live and learn...

On Saturday, my mom phoned me to tell me that they replaced me at their place. My youngest sister's friend has a golden retreiver with a litter of 12 puppies born on Boxing Day. The father is a black labridor so they are all black with some grey and white, I guess. My mom has wanted a dog for years, probably since the last dog we had about 15 years ago, so she decided to take one of the puppies. He is, as mentioned, mostly black with a tiny little streak of white on his head and greyish white legs and feet. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!!!! My mom named him Maxwell. I'm not really a dog person, but this little guffer is adorable. He gallops around for a few minutes, tries to haul his toys around (that are as big as he is) and then in the next moment, he's passed out sleeping in the craziest positions. Needless to say, Jules and I went over there for the evening yesterday to check him out (and do our laundry for free! Yay! Free laundry!)

Today was spent grocery shopping at Costco and Safeway. At Safeway, we had this misfortune of picking the line-up that had the trainee at the cash register. It was her first day on the job and she was very flustered. We tried to be friendly and joke around to help her relax, but in the end she dropped items on the ground (that she then put in the bag!) including Julie's precious Creme Egg that she had wanted to eat in the car. LOL... we could hardly keep straight faces. I'm sure some customers would have demanded new stuff for the ones that fell on the floor, but we found it hilarious.

This evening is for work... ick. I need to do a few things that I cannot seem to get done while in the office with everyone bugging me, so I must give up my evening (as soon as I stop blogging and other stuff....hm... not really working out as planned so far).

Today I'm grateful for:

* A warm place to live (it's freeeeeeeezing outside!)
* Money for groceries
* My girlfriend
* My Boggle skilz
* My friends
* My family

Tuesday, February 5, 2008


At dinner this evening, speaking with a colleague from another manufacturing facility:

Colleague - "The new products we're producing for [company edited] are doing very well."

Me - "That's one thing I don't really enjoy... the company producing for [company edited]. The company has a perfect score on the HRC score card for diversity and yet we produce for a company that discriminates against minorities."

Colleague - "Oh, really?!"

Me - "Well, for one, they donate a lot of money to Christian right wing groups that fight against gay rights."

Colleague (in a dismissive tone) - "Oh, well, gays and lesbians are not the same thing as a minority."

I just shut up after that. I am definitely not one to talk about gay rights, etc., especially in a work environment, and I'm not even sure why I opened my mouth, but that just burned me.

Day 3 of Minneapolis

Minneapolis is cold and snowy, but compared to Edmonton, it might as well be spring. I can walk outside and not flash freeze. Yay!

My trip has been pretty informative so far and I've made some good connections. I'm exhausted though and not feeling the greatest. All day yesterday I had massive cramps and wanted to die. I had no choice but to tough it out from 8 am to 5 pm which included sitting and listening to lectures and then presenting cases from my facility twice. Jesus... I did well but it was a struggle. From 5 - 6:30 pm there was a fancy reception with a lot of high up QRO people, but I went back to the hotel to die. I barely slept last night and then woke up tired. Today we were out on field trips to various labs and such and I was feeling a lot better cramp-wise but my nose and sinuses decided to lay on the pressure. Holy fuck, I thought my nose was going to start pouring blood... around noon, I felt the weirdest (and pretty painful) sensation in my nose on the right side. I had to wait 15 minutes before I could get to a bathroom to blow the hell out of my nose to see if it was actually going to bleed or if I was just really stuffed up. I blew my nose and felt a sharpness as I did it. I pulled the kleenex away and saw what looks like (because I still have it... going to show the surgeon) a piece of bone. Jeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzus... no wonder it hurt so bad! I still feel the pressure now and then but not as bad as before.

Oh, and I finally figured out... it's not scabs that I have in my nose... it's stitches! Yeah, I thought I'd share that because... y'know... y'all weren't grossed out enough.

I'm just waiting for a colleague to pick me up to go to dinner. We have a group dinner this evening... yay... fancy meal that corporate is picking up. :)

I've noticed that the spellcheck option is not working lately... what the hell is up with that?

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Business Casual... whatever.

I saw the whiteout Ottawa had yesterday, so I'm assuming it passed through the Toronto area as well. Heh... misery loves company!

I went out and bought some new clothes today - all business crap that I don't like wearing but have to when I fly to Minneapolis for this conference tomorrow. Business casual is allowed at HQ, but only in some areas. I can't remember which areas I'm going to, so I have to dress fancier just in case. I'm technically supposed to dress business casual at work as well, but I rarely do. I wear a lab coat buttoned up most of the time, so I can get away with dark jeans or khakis and a polo shirt or plain t-shirt. Plus, to get from my office to the main office, I have to put on a hairnet, hard hat, safety glasses and steel-toe shoes. Hardly a situation in which I feel the need to dress up.

My nose is driving me crazy. This part of the country is so dry, it's sickening. We have to have the humidifier on all night in order to not wake up feeling ill. The inside of my nose is still healing and is still quite blocked due to the scabs on the four areas they cut. It's like having a stuffy nose and being able to do NOTHING about it. And yet, I sneeze hourly and have a constant runny nose. I'm sure flying tomorrow will be a pleasure. I'm just hoping that Minneapolis has more humidity than here!!

Friday, February 1, 2008

Benjamin Franklin invented Boggle

Today I saw a Benjamin Franklin action figure and thought of Wendi and Jen in Philadelphia.

Today, Julie told me that she's getting me Deluxe Boggle for Valentine's day. Again, I thought of my Philly girls...

I miss my Philly girls...

I wonder if Benjamin Franklin invented Boggle...