The Birth Story
Okay, so at the risk of judgement, I will admit that both my doctor and I decided it would be in everyone's best interest to induce labour at 41 weeks. Earlier in my pregnancy I was against being induced and was all for waiting until at least 42 weeks for the baby's arrival, however by the end of December I was thinking differently for various reasons, mostly due to extreme discomfort causing sleep to be nearly impossible to attain. I say 'nearly' because I did grab a couple hours here and there. I was exhausted and puffy beyond belief. I could barely move and barely eat because of the heartburn and reflux... I could go on and on and yeah, I decided at my 40 week appointment that I had sucked it up enough to ensure Emily had gestated enough to avoid guilty feelings in the future. The doctor and I discussed it and decided on the induction for the 16th. I went home with mixed feelings because I felt like I was cheating my body a bit (however, it cheated me right back later on, but we'll get to that) but I also felt a bit of relief that I only had another week to wait.
So on the morning of the 16th, we went to the hospital to get the Cervidil inserted. Holy cow was that painful. Nothing like having something dry being shoved up your vagina to rest behind your cervix while three people watch. That was around 10:30 in the morning. I stayed for two hours to be monitored and then we got to go home. By 2 pm I was starting to have contractions but they weren't that bad so Jules and I managed to nap until 4:30 pm when I had to get up because the contractions were getting a little too strong to sleep through. For the next few hours I bounced on my ball, watched TV and tried to distract myself from the contractions but by the evening I was having to pace and get Jules to apply counter pressure to my lower back while the contractions came every five minutes lasting for 2-3 minutes. By 7:30 pm we moved upstairs to the shower where I stood while Jules concentrated the spray on my lower back and belly during contractions that were getting more painful by the hour. We drained the hot water tank about five times between 7:30 pm and 11:45 pm when we finally decided our coping methods at home just weren't cutting it anymore.
We arrived back at the hospital just after midnight. I was checked and as I suspected there was no change aside from some softening. They gave me a shot of morphine and sent a sample of some fluid that had leaked out for testing to double check that it wasn't amniotic fluid (their quick test was negative). With little change and no water broken, they were debating to send me home but the morphine didn't work and I couldn't get comfortable so they suggested I stay the night. We jumped at the chance because a never ending hot water supply in the shower sounded like the greatest thing in the entire world to me. Cut to 4 am and me sitting on a ball in the bathtub with a zombified Jules trying to stay awake to hold the hand held shower on my lower back while I contracted. She refused to go lay down but I tricked her by getting her to promise to rest for just 15 minutes. She was out like a light and I stayed in the shower for another hour enjoying the hot water until I was nearly delirious from lack of sleep. I reluctantly got out of the shower and back into bed where laughing gas was waiting for me. From 5 until 7 am I sucked on that every 5-10 minutes during my contractions and then would pass out briefly before doing it all over again. At 7 am my doctor came in and checked me and I was between 3 and 4 cm dilated so he removed the Cervidil and they started the Oxytocin.
The contractions continued pretty much the same as with the Cervidil for the rest of the morning and into the afternoon. I had my trusty laughing gas to help me along the way and all was fine until around 2 pm when the contractions started getting really strong. I started being vocal at this point while breathing through the contractions because they really started to hurt bad. Cue my water breaking and me starting to sob the place down. At this point I was 5 cm dilated so they cleared me for the epidural. The only problem was that the anesthesiologist was tied up in the OR at that time so I had to wait. Oh my goodness... the whole pregnancy process is about waiting for things, isn't it? Anyway, eventually they came in and I got the epidural while sobbing. The nurses were amazing, by the way. The epidural took forever to kick in and they ended up calling the guy back to top it up two separate times because I kept moaning 'Why isn't the epidural working' for well past the kick in period. The guy was a real jerk and seemed put off with having to top me up so the second time he REALLY made sure I was good. My body could have been sawed in half and I wouldn't have even noticed. FINALLY I was able to get an actual nap in... for about 20 minutes.
My doctor came in at some point to check me and declared me ready to push. Great... the only problem was that I was so numb I couldn't even feel the contractions anymore. So down went the epidural and after a period I could feel them enough to know when to push. Things were moving along and I could feel the baby moving down. The nurse and my doctor were very pleased... but then the progress stopped abruptly. My doctor was reaching up there moving the baby every which way and getting me to push every so often. At this point the epidural was practically non-existent and I was in agony and practically delirious with the pressure and pain. They offered me the laughing gas again but I couldn't calm down enough to take the deep breaths needed to make it work. Finally my doctor stopped trying to maneuver the baby and gave us the news that my pelvis was too narrow for the baby's head to fit through. Off to the OR we went.
At 4:26 pm little Emily was born. I sent Jules off to stay with her while I was sewn up. It seemed to take forever (although admittedly I was too spaced out to really know how much time passed) and I later found out that was because my doctor found a large cyst twisted around one of my ovaries so he was so kind as to remove it without cutting out my ovary (like what happened with Jules earlier last year).
After laying in recovery for however long, I was finally taken to my room where apparently everyone in the hospital had already held my baby. The baby daddy met my parents I was told and people showed me pictures of Emily's trip to our room via the nursery and all the people she met along the way. I was really out of it and I honestly don't remember holding Emily for the first time (the picture I posted on Facebook) or anything else that day.
Since I could barely hold her for the first day or two, I wasn't able to even attempt breast feeding until around day 3. Epic failure. Emily had next to no sucking reflex. I took a look and saw she definitely had tongue tie and possibly lip tie. The pediatrician disagreed with me. I wish I could punch him in the face multiple times a day. Anyway, in the four days in the hospital, I managed to pump a grand total of less than an ounce from both breasts while Emily was formula fed. Once home I managed to start pumping between half an ounce and an ounce per breast per session while trying a nipple shield on my breast for feeding. That was semi successful but she usually fell asleep within five minutes. Yesterday we had an appointment with a lactation consultant and she immediately noticed Emily's bad tongue tie. She managed to clip about 2 mm so now Emily can stick her tongue out to the edge of her lip but in all honesty she probably needs a plastic surgeon to clip it more. Not sure how to go about getting that set up. Anyway, the lactation consultant prescribed me something to attempt to get my poor milk supply up and told me I need to be feeding her at the breast every three hours and she needs to drain my breasts at least eight times per day. She supplied us with a feeding tube and some syringes to sneak in pumped breast milk or formula while attempting to get her to latch.
When we got home yesterday, we tried out getting her to latch with a syringe and we had pretty good success all evening. I was feeling pretty optimistic about getting her going on breast feeding before Jules goes back to work next Wednesday (because I almost always need Jules' help to get her situated - my breasts are ENORMOUS right now). She was bottle fed pumped breast milk in the middle of the night when Jules was on baby shift and I slept and then at 6 am Jules brought her upstairs to breast feed and that's when we saw our baby girl lost all her new skills. She refused to latch even with the syringe... okay fine, so we tried the nipple shield... no go. Okay, on to the formula in a bottle... nope. She shakes her head back and forth when the nipple (of the bottle) or the nipple shield is in her mouth. Then she rolls it around her mouth and holds her mouth open. WTF??!?!?!?!?!?!?!? She's been like this all day. I've managed a few very brief sessions with the nipple shield and giving her a few bottles today but they've all been a ridiculous production. I'm so frustrated tonight... to top it off, I can barely get anything pumped out now. Jules is trying to stay positive but I've asked her to let me have my pity party for just one evening. I know breast feeding doesn't come naturally and it is hard work but COME ON... Why couldn't I get lucky and have one of those babies that started latching like a champ at five seconds old? Oh wait, never mind... I couldn't even hold her to my breast for three days... Sigh... Okay, I'm done feeling sorry for myself for the evening.
Wish us luck! We definitely need it...
(hopefully this post makes sense when read... I didn't proof read before publishing)
4 comments:
Thanks for sharing. Your story reminded me of some of my experiences. I also had to be induced. The first time I had to wait for my epidural when I was exhausted and ready. The second time I was like, oh he's going into the OR, let's get him in here first! Actually it was a girl but you get the point.
Riley was impossible to breastfeed. I don't know why but had a horrible latch. I got sick of pumping by 2 months and I didn't even pump much anyway. It was annoying to have to feed her and then pump. I felt like I wasn't enjoying myself.
With Jackson I was too exhausted to work on breastfeeding for the first two days so I was kind of like where you're at. They also gave us that whole syringe set up with Riley and I found it difficult to use. Eventually I tricked him with the nipple shields and he nursed. I didn't pump. Or I think I pumped a bit after his feedings. He was easy though. He nursed a lot and Riley fell asleep when I tried or screamed bloody murder.
I just want you to know that it's normal to be frustrated and cry with the whole nursing thing. I soooo get it.
Emily sounds a lot like Riley as a newborn. I'm wondering if she might indeed have reflux because of her not wanting to take the nipple. Maybe nipple is associated with pain? And you said she was extremely upset for days? What formula are you using?
I know with Riley we had Enfamil A+ but she got constipated so we ended up on Good Start which is partially broken down and easier to digest. We used that with Jackson when we needed to (i.e. car rides) and he never had an issue.
If you decide it's too hard, don't beat yourself up. I know I did with Riley. If you want to keep at it, eventually it may be easier. I cried with Jackson and was frustrated too but then one day it worked and it kept working. I had to use nipple shields for 3 months but it worked and eventually it was so easy I didn't even have to think about it--I could eat, sleep or whatever while he nursed.
And as for your birth, it sounds like you were amazing!!! I'm sorry you were so out of it. My friend Shawna had that experience for her first and was out of it after her c section.
I had pain with Jackson's epidural because of the back labour (he came out sunny side up) so maybe the pain you had was the pelvic being narrow and things not moving along? I don't know.
Thank you so much for your comments, Stacey, you've made me feel a lot better about some of these issues. You're a great friend.
We started off with the Enfamil A+ formula because that's what the hospital provided. We switched to Good Start on Wednesday after the lactation consultant gave us the info on how the Good Start was easier to digest. Emily hasn't been constipated, her poop is normal so far but she's quite gassy. I contribute that to how she's feeding at the nipple(s) though. We're using the Calma bottle system and she usually doesn't spit up at all or get messy but she has for the past two days. It's like she's re-learning how to use her mouth/tongue and she's gulping it more and then opening her mouth. She's also a bit stuffed up and has been since birth (normal for dry Alberta we're told) so we've been giving her saline drops for that as well in hopes she can breathe a bit better through her nose while feeding.
This morning she actually tolerated feeding from both breasts with the nipple shield but since then we've had people over so I haven't had the chance to try again so she was fed formula. It's really hard to have anyone over right now... it always ends up being in the middle of a breast feeding time. :(
That's great that she's doing better. Tell friends you need to feed her and leave the room. Your nursing is priority over their visits. They can wait. I did that a lot then used a cover (hooter hider was amazing and easy to use!!) you'll get the hang if it. The hardest part if the newborn phase is learning to breast feed. You're doing great!
We used Avent and BornFree. Quinn was on Dr. Brown
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