Fade In, Fade Out

Today I was e-mailing my friend, S, about friendships. She mentioned a few people who I had once also been friends with, who she feels are fading out of her life and whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. In the particular case of these friends, I suggested that it was a good thing because they are all pretty absorbed in their lives and if they cared enough, they would reach out every once in a while. But then this made me think about the different kinds of friendships it's possible to have with people...

There is the 'BFF' type of friendship where there is almost daily contact one way or another. This is usually limited to one or two people because it's hard to pay that kind of attention to several different people on a daily basis.

There is the High School type of friendship where you might run into them at the grocery store or occasionally call or receive a call from them maybe once a month or once a year. There is no real awkwardness because it feels like not a day's gone by since the last time you last saw them. And when you part ways, you know it'll be just as long until the next time you talk to them and sometimes think that you might want to call them more often, but then forget about it soon after.

There is the online or long distance friend, who is almost in the High School category except that you don't run into them, unless perhaps at an airport or a vacation/gathering. I tend to miss online friends more than High School type friends because I think I talk to them more thanks to online messaging and e-mail. There are many times where I wish I could fly down to LA to see three of my good online friends or over to Toronto to visit two other good friends who now have an adorable baby girl. There's also my friends in the Vancouver area, especially the roller girl, whom I miss very much. Sometimes it's just not fair how expensive it is to travel.

There are the co-workers who are also friends. Those friendships are pretty volatile, depending on the job. Sometimes work can cause arguments and frustration that hurt the friendship. And of course, there's always the saying (that is completely true!!!), "Co-workers make good friends but friends do NOT make good co-workers". Amen.

There are the toxic friends who make it hard to maintain a friendship with them. Friendship shouldn't be hard work with fights and uncomfortable silences. You wonder why you're friends with them in the first place and yet you find it hard to break away from them. Sometimes you keep the friendship on life support because they are friends with some of your other friends and feel like you would ruin other friendships by killing the toxic one. I know one person like this, who happens to be one of the people my friend, S, was talking about today. We used to be great friends who were very close. Over a period of time, she turned into someone else... it was like night and day. She hurt me badly several times and forced me to cut not only her out of my life, but some of her other friends who were also good friends of mine. I made a clean break that hurt like hell for a very long time... but looking back, it was the best thing I could have done. Sometimes there are very painful things a person's gotta do to make their life better. That was one of them for me.

I don't remember where I read about it, but someone somewhere said that friends fade in and out of your life and that's totally normal. It's impossible to keep a ton of friends all close to you because of time and other obligations. Besides, as soon as you find a significant other, most friends go on the back burner anyway until the 'honeymoon phase' is over. Ha ha..