What day is it???

I don't know what's wrong with me this week... I can't remember if it's Tuesday or Wednesday or what. I couldn't believe when I looked at my Outlook calendar at work and saw that I'm leaving on vacation in a WEEK. Holy fuck... I need to snap out of it and make sure I'm ready for next week. I'll start that... um, tomorrow.

My toothache is worse today. I spent most of the day holding the right side of my face with my hand because it made it feel a little better. Advil isn't helping at all. I called my dentist in hope of getting an appointment before I leave for Toronto (or as we Westerners pronounce it, 'Tor-awn-o' because we absolutely cannot ever manage to pronounce a 't' in the middle of a word and don't even go there with the double 't's in the middle of the word... that's impossible. Hell, I can't even pronounce 'Calgary' or 'Edmonton' correctly either. They come out 'Calgry' and 'Edmintin'. Okay, I think I've gone off on a tangent here...). My dentist is always super booked and getting an appointment in the same month you're actually making the appointment is damn near impossible. She's super nice though, so the wait is worth it. Anyway, the receptionist asked me if I'd want to come in tomorrow at 4:30 pm. I just blurted out, "What? Are you serious?" and she was like, "I know! I can't believe it either! I have no idea why that's open. It must have been waiting just for you." Holy cow... I haven't been this excited about a dentist appointment since that time my tooth broke in half while eating a french fry. Anyway, I'm hoping it's not TOO serious and I won't need an expensive root canal followed by an even more expensive and not fully covered crown. Goddamn teeth...*grumble*

Kellogg's sent me a letter and two free product coupons for anything they make. Well hell, if it's for anything they make, I'm not going to waste them on $3 boxes of the All Bran bars that I originally called them about to complain about them all being open on one side. I'll buy cereal instead, because cereal is about $25 a box now. It's funny though... The Kellogg's customer service people must not have call display. I called their toll free number from work while I was on break. I won't say where I work, but I bet if they had call display, they wouldn't have trusted my genuine customer complaint and I wouldn't have coupons right now.

I thought a lot about 'her' today. I talked to one of my friends about it today, deciding what, if any, significance there was to her text messaging my sister yesterday. I feel a little stirred up by it but I don't think it's really throwing me in any particular direction. I definitely do not have any hopes up, that's for sure. Having hopes only breaks your heart over again in the end (except in the 1 in a trillion times where the relationship does work out, etc., etc.) If anything, it's made me realize that she will probably never want to re-start. It also makes me realize that, although our situation is unique in a way, if she can put our relationship on (probably permanent) hiatus without feeling like dying inside, then it's probably not worth it. That just kills me because I want it back so bad. Of course I have no idea what she's feeling inside right now. For all I know, she *is* dying inside. I'm just saying... y'know... basically I'm toughening up. The bricks and mortar have arrived and the walls are being constructed.

Sigh... I miss her.

Today I'm grateful for:

* Self help books
* My miraculous dentist appointment
* My bottle of merlot
* Having fallen asleep two nights in a row without taking a sleeping pill (although it took until 11 or 12 to fall asleep, but still... progress)
* Jen for updating her blog six whole times this month! Woo! I'm hoping it helps her, even just a little...