Choice vs. Reality... bloody 'ell (too much BG for one week, I think)

If I were straight, I'd have a date tonight.

I met a nice guy tonight... he bought me a drink... we had a blast and, as it turns out, a lot in common... he was attractive and charming and quite in to me.

For all of the people in the world who think being gay is a choice or a cry for attention... I'll say this: I wish I were able to be straight. I wish I could change that and have an easier life. I've turned down three proposals in my lifetime... more dates than I can count... and more than a few offers for a casual night out (not all were turned down though...that's kind of a complicated issue), and all because when it comes down to it, I just can't be in a relationship with a guy. I just can't be straight. Yes, I can get on with a guy (okay, I've been watching too much Bad Girls... nobody in North American says 'get on with') but in the end, I just can't deny I want a woman.

The only problem is, women are fucking impossible. I'm going to leave it at that. I have a rant in my head, but I think I'll just leave it there for now. I just realize more than ever how true it is that everyone lives their lives as if they star in their own movie about themselves. Everyone forgets that the supporting characters aren't just there for them... they're starring in their own movie... a person's actions have an impact on everyone else, whether they realize it or not. Oh, how very difficult it must be to not be completely selfish and full of one's self. Whatever.

I think I'm going to be pathetic and go to bed before midnight on a Saturday night. I'm exhausted from the heat. It's almost 11 pm right now and it's still 28 C outside. My mind feels like going for a run, but my body feels like collapsing. I'm thinking my body is going to win on this one.