We meet our heroine, our nearly nude heroine, as she embarks on yet another round of 'Wii Fit'. Our heroine, not to be named and shamed by the Wii Fit, decided to call Heroine's GF to the board. Upon which the demon did pronounce (I speak of the board as a demon and not our heroine), "You have porked out British woman....5lbs...1 lb more and I will confirm you are overweight...but worry not, you are 36 and so is your Wii Fit age".
Humiliated (as I think may have been the idea - my fitness contribution to the beast was to unpack it while eating cheesecake)...I trundled out here (saddened and apparently heavier) to my bar stool and table while the nearly nude flexes and bends on the board.
In my defense, when Jenn went away I was 119 lbs. Somehow I picked up 11lbs after that - 5 in the last week. So really, what one gains, one can lose. I am resolved to go running but this has not happened since...gosh...let me see....this has not happened since I was 7, so it is not likely to start in the morning. Although, right now, in my head, I am getting up at 5.30 a.m. to do precisely that.
On Friday, proud of our heroine for getting oh-so-fit and everything (I think her Wii Fit age is like 15) - I went to a store and perused the sports section for an ideal Wii-Fit-Out-Fit . . . NOT that I oppose to her current birthday suit - just that the neighbours might....I spent - and I do not fib reader - 90 minutes...NINETY MINUTES....with a T-Shirt and two pairs of pants...I could not decide which would fit her....so I went around measuring them against sizes of clothes I KNEW she had...although, really no comparison could be made unless she was there. I had arranged for her to meet me at the shopping complex and after I had decided this WAS the size she was...I proudly bought the gear and left the store. Whereby, I ran into her...presenting my wares to her as a gift of love....she pronounced....at the exact same time that I realised...."Is this so we BOTH can wear the same pair at the same time baby...?". Indeed, my time had been in vain....the trousers were so large...so, so, SO large that the gift was more of an insult than not...the exact phrase was, "Is this how big you think I am???". I smiled sheepish and we laughed (me a long time before she did mind). I laughed quite a bit and eventually we were both scaring the people around us.
Bless her cotton socks, she wore them all night...the crotch down to the knees, having a good point and giggle at various moments. Rather reminding me of when Janine bought me maternity pants one Christmas and we realised that "Special Moments" must have referred to the maternity section. I went a step ahead there though....Janine was a runner and had stopped running for a while...lamenting, "I am so big these days"...I piped up MEANING to be helpful but mixing my words badly..."You know, you are a lot bigger than you think you are, babe". As she stood crestfallen saying "Whhhh - what??" I kept repeating it until she realised I meant...well, you know what I meant. "You aren't as big as you think are"...
Anyway, Jenn is now marching in front of the tele but not on the Wii Fit board. Should I tell her she is not on the board....mmm, maybe not. Never come between a woman and her weight in any way shape or form. And JESUSUSUSUSUS never ask her to get on the We Fat , sorry Wii Fit, to make yaself feel better....QED, it is me now crestfallen and I'm about to grab another glass of red wine. The diet and the Fitting can wait a day.
Our heroine is now doing yoga...I think Lemon cake might go ever so nice with this red wine. No matter how big I am today, at least I get to watch a gorgeous woman bending and shaping this evening ;)
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