Tired

I had such a good sleep last night... nine hours of peaceful slumber, uninterrupted by cramps or flights to catch or work to go to. Unfortunately, I'm still in a major sleep deficit... I only got about four hours of sleep on Wednesday and then a couple of hours on the plane on Thursday, after which I managed a nap of almost two hours later in the morning. Thursday night I only got about four total when the cramps hit... so no wonder I feel like a zombie!

Today is overcast and rainy (was earlier and probably will be in the afternoon) for the Dyke March. That's about all I have to report... oh, I finally found my camera in my suitcase. I haven't taken a single picture though and am not sure when I will. I should have brought my British photographer with me... :/

36 Hours in the Life of a Warrior Princess

Last night, after work, I loaded Jenn's nightmares (my old furniture) into her car, taking it to H' who was moving to a new place, getting her keys at 6pm or so.

We packed boxes in her old place, driving the loaded cars to the new one. The second we arrived? A text message from her ex-gf. She, "wanted to talk" (after 3 months of nothing). I insisted she go, assuring her I'd take care of her move. It was a great workout! Got it all in her place, unpacked everything, assembled tables etc, hung all the curtains, sorted out the kitchen, cleaned like a demon (the bruises I have today though!). Given she had had no furniture but that which we had given her, I wanted to make the place look like home asap (See pictures) as this was such a big event and with this text msg....ouch. The look of sheer gratefulness and relief when she got back was needless but touching. It had been a rough evening for her: she was very tearful and shaky.

We retired to her balcony for the mandatory ex-gf-meeting talk.

Then, at 10 pm, an awful thing:

I saw a dog stray into the road. I panicked, but then dog found the pavement. I was mad an owner was nowhere near. Five minutes later, I looked up, right at the wrong moment. I saw a car hit the dog and the dog was thrown high and helplessly in the air. I felt a cold sickness inside and involuntarily screamed, "No!". It was just horrific. The dull thud heard, when hitting the car is still making me emotional. The car kept going, it didn't stop. This alone makes me fill with horror. The whimpering cries of pain that followed were heartbreaking. I was about to call the police when a woman stopped her car mid traffic; she ran to the dog put it in her vehicle, driving fast away with flashers blinkering. You know - NO ONE on the street did anything when it happened...no, it took a woman veering off her journey and blocking traffic. Bystander apathy is NOT apathy, it is sheer inhumanity. Bystander inhumanity. We do this to people too, not just animals. It makes me feel helpless and defeated. Are we THAT disconnected??? I had a nightmare of all the above last night. It is still deeply unsettling for I doubt the dog could survive such a terrible thing.

This morning, we went to a funky breakfast place and walking back, I made H' check out the Goodwill...ended up carrying a blue chair and a cute footstool (pictures) back with us, among other things! It was sweltering heat and this thing = heavy! Inspired, procrastinating about the 100 boxes left to pack at her old place, we hit Dykea. Loaded with accouterments, we headed back finally packed more stuff driving it to the new place. After unpacking her books, H' just had to get a bookshelf from Goodwill ..off we went with 20 minutes till closing....and wearily carried one back on foot. Given she had NO furniture/rugs etc at all , you can see the place scrubbed up okay for less than $40 and under 24 hours!

Arrived back at Jenn and my home to load up more things Jenn and I had no use for, and after H' had tea, checked email and loaded her car anew, I bid her farewell....

In all of this, acutely, I miss my girl. I hope she is proud of me parting with the junk I have accumulated :). See baby, the pink bin is just a garbage memory for us now!

I miss you J' but I am so excited about your trip and all the adventures you're having!

We're like a piece of paper

with words written on both sides.

I would do anything,

right now,

to just sit,

back to back

- with you -

so we that can read our pages,

together, out loud.

H A P P Y

P R I D E !!

From Ontario w/ Love

It took almost a whole 24 hours until I finally felt like I was on vacation. I spent yesterday with a work colleague and her husband and I must say my eleven days are off to a great start. I received my very first ride in a corvette yesterday afternoon - very awesome, I must say. In the morning I had a two hour nap which helped with the exhaustion from barely getting any sleep on the plane. By 10 pm last night though, I was ready to pass out. Unfortunately my good night's sleep from sheer exhaustion was interrupted by the arrival of frickin' cramps from hell. I'm STILL in agony after four Tylenol 3 tablets and it's almost 3:30 pm! Needless to say, I laid around most of the morning, trying to find any sort of semi-comfortable position I could.

Stacey picked me up after lunch and now I am making use of her computer before I go pass out for a (hopefully pain-free) nap while they go looking for curtains sold by some guy standing in the middle of the street (we'll see how that turns out...).

It's so nice to be relaxed (aside from the damn cramps!)...

I miss my girl though. I really wish Jules had been able to join me on this trip. :(

I really cannot believe she posted about my adventures in the airport sports bar though... And by the way, the bartender's hair was only a little tiny bit longer than Hillary Swank's in Boys Don't Cry... otherwise I'd swear it was her... she looked like her twin. Anyway... it's nice to feel attractive and get attention when you don't expect it! But, like I told my girl... not even remotely interested in anyone but her. I know what I have and I know how lucky I am!!!

Off to pass out now... can't wait....

From Lusha With Love

I was driving home after dropping my beloved off at the airport (thereby helping to deliver her to some of you reading), and I suddenly became quite aware, that for 11 days, I would be J-Less. I was not home for more than ten minutes, when "great joy" . . . beloved J rings me from the airport. Wistful and terribly sentimental I start to tell her how much I miss her and how 'coming home' was an oxymoron, for home is where-ever she is....indeed, when she rang, I was literally staring at our bed, wondering how to get in it without her to snuggle up to against for the night. I am not sure if I am 'a romantic spirit' or 'a pathetic lesbian' but that's not for here....

"Well, I'm drunk" (she says, inserting the appropriate, "I miss you too, baby" comment). I laugh. How can she be, it was less than an hour ago I kissed her goodbye.

"Yup. I am loaded and I love you baby, because the number the bartender left me on the napkin under my umpteenth drink...well she's no you, so that's in the garbage".

I laugh again.

"I do not know what it is about me at airports, baby . . .".

Jenn is not one to continue a jest after a certain point.....

And so....

I stop laughing and throw in my,"Noooooooo way", a la Valley Girl in training.

Ascertaining that within the one hour I had left her, she had checked in, gone through security and placed herself in the only place open late, a sports bar, she began her tale:

The bartender was, "Hilary Swank in Boys Don't Cry...but with longer hair..so cute, I mean really cute". The free (FREE! They fire Walmart employees for less), drinks our lush was provided included a shooter that, "tasted like Dr Pepper". And well (she mused), this was all very flattering but, "I have you and I know and love what we have". She also said something about some guys being very impressed as Jenn was left the wee-baby-dyke's number on a napkin that she had, "put under this over sized pint I ordered...the only drink I actually bought I think".

FLIPPING HECK! COR BLIMEY! STRIKE A LIGHT!

I am in obvious awe of my babe. This kind of thing never happens to me. I do, however, seem to be attracted to women (neigh SIRENS) to whom this occurrence is the norm rather than the exception. I think that is because I am oblivious to their being sirens until one day I wake up and realise, "Jeepers! People actually dream of being me??". I must say, Jenn looked incredibly beautiful this evening...but good grief people....11.30pm on a school night, and lesbian bartenders are all over her in a straight bar in a place of business and travel. Vote for John McCain, watch more Nancy Grace....enough of this liberal hogwash y'all....the country is going to hell in a handcart...

You see, this, this is why she rents bad movies...because the good movies are too much like her life. When we gasp, "Oh that would NEVER happen", Jenn is the one saying, "That is just like that time when I...".

So I go to bed with a little smile on my face. My baby - she got it going on. It's really something to know she had that moment tonight. I mean, truly, being serious...what a wonderful way to start a holiday! I also share this with you in order to begin a barrage of relentless teasing when Ms 'back-snap' Thang is comfortably ensconced in the des-les-res (that is the "desirable, lesbian residence" of S and A....the new kitchen...mmm!).

It is now hour two and I miss her, I miss her, I miss her. I am sure at some point before I turned 55 years old (or whatever that number was last Sunday) I was a lot cooler than this.

Anyway my lovelies, Jenn is now on a plane to Toronto, "Sleeping one off". I was informed she had packed her Blockbuster card. Which is odd as she didn't pack anything else (see Jenn's last post). I think at one point she actually WAS doing her taxes.

Good night and God bless - although clearly, for some of you, GOD HELP YOU!

Jules

Packed

I have packing anxiety whenever I have to take out a suitcase to go somewhere. It takes me forever to pack because I leave the room five million times to go do more fun things like scrub the toilet and do my taxes. I don't know why but I just cannot stand packing a suitcase.

So... needless to say... Julie packed my suitcase tonight while I tried on sunless tanning lotion for the first time. My sister tells me that I should wake up and look like an Oompa Loompa tomorrow and that I'll definitely be able to tell where I missed spots. Great... I can't wait. I normally don't care how white I am in the summer time but for the hell of it, I decided to try to get some colour on my legs. My legs never get tanned so matter how long I'm out in the sun (y'know, that whole two hours between June and September). And hey, if it ends up looking like crap, Stacey and Angele won't care... maybe they'll feel sorry for me and take me to Blockbuster video so I can rent something we'll regret later.

Today I went to Zellers (Wal-Mart was too far away from where I was) to look for some pj capri bottoms. Um... what the hell is with clothing these days?? If you are a size 0 - 12, they have pyjamas with nice colours and patterns, but as soon as you look for 14+, they have bright, horrid colours that even a blind person would squint at and patterns so crazy that even a clown wouldn't accessorize with them. I just wanted a pair that were a solid colour or had vertical stripes in a colour I actually know the name of. Couldn't find anything even close. I swear, if there was ever an incentive to lose more weight (y'know, aside from health reasons).... It's a conspiracy, I tell ya!

So today, I talked to my work colleague and my aunt that I'll be staying with next week and figured out some of what we'll be doing. I feel a little better now.

Okay, time to spend time with my girl...

Birthdays, babies, Lego and luuuurve.

"It's my birthday song, it's not very long - HEY"

Today I am 36. I am up at 4 a.m. to celebrate; to write to my parents. I believe with all my heart and soul, that birthdays are not about us, but about our parents or guardians. My being 36, will be equally depressing for all of us due to the fact my Mother got to the age of 37 and decided to stay there. At one point in my youth, that was not so problematic. Now it makes me the second coming.

J and I have been in whirling dervish of a consumer frenzy. On Friday she bought me a coffee table, yesterday I bought her something for that Wii business (some game where the characters are lego people....what an odd concept of marketing Lego and LucasArts have...that could only have come from two drunken execs from each company, shooting the breeze one eve'). We puchased picture frames for her New York pictures (six months on . . aHem)...drawers, other nonsense, you name it, we bought it. I also bought her a pedicure from some lady who was unable to smile. I'll admit this was so I could go and spend 40 minutes in a DVD store. There I bought the special edition of Titus, a Julie Taymor, Shakespeare re-work which is one of the best films I have ever seen...I studied it at university so have a great passion for it. I love Shakespeare plays because for me, they are a reminder of the fact that science may propel us forward into new ways of being, but essentially, emotionally, human beings do not evolve or change. We love, we hate, we fear, we nurture, we need . . . etc etc. Hamlet blows the rest out of the water but Titus..I do love. Ah, tragedy - bring it on. The shallow part of me just loves the language though.


Being up at 4 a.m. means I can watch all the right wing news I want on CNN. I LOATHE the politics of CNN but I maintain that one can only develop a position on a subject by THOROUGHLY understanding the other side. When I read Jimmy Carter's Endangered Values (not the most enlightened democrat compared to what we have now but nonetheless, still a good read) - I read Anne Coulter right a long side it. CNN is the best and most frightening picture of right wing America. It is truly alarming to hear such draconian values espoused so passionately in 2008. That drag queen, Nancy Grace, is the best of the worst. It is like watching parody, an SNL sketch about well, CNN. As it is, Christiane AnaNanaAnaNanaPore is on documenting changes in Korea. So I am watching Mariska Thingy in Law and Order instead. It seems at 4 a.m. everyone on television must have a last name I can not pronounce. As for Christiane, well ever since she did that religion documentary series, I've wained; it simply towed the CNN line :( . . . too bad, as I have always found her rather alluring in that British, Nigella Lawson, take no nonsense, sort of way.

Well children of the blog . . . time to continue my childish endeavours....being up, excited at my birthday. 36 is really fine, I love aging because the experiences collected and the reflections that go with it . . . I am I know, very privileged. I have a wonderful life; I have an excellent and beautiful relationship with my former wife and her partner (who is also my former girlfriend) and I marvel at their toddler twins daily . . . I have parents who would drop everything in a second for me as I them, I have a home and an emotional stability that I have built up and maintained in spite of frequent unexpected changes, and most of all, I have a woman who is consistent, loving, loyal and wonderful. A woman who challenges me as I her in ways I have never been challenged. Our differences are many, yet our love for each other springs from the same passionate source. Ten days in Toronto . . . heavens. The least I could do was send her here with lovely feet.

("Okay, TRY and make it look like you like her Jennifer")

Oh, that reminds me...a feat (seamless, I know) for the Toronto crew if possible...lots of pictures of Riley as I love keeping up with her on the various blogs. Work the runway Riley - and get better soon too k? Melmo misses you - hugs.

Ah the sun is rising ; a blur of streaked pinks, purples and pastel yellows. Alberta skies arch across their landscapes with such breath taking allure it is a wonder I get anything done in this province.

Jules

The British Girl Writes (and Writes....and Writes....)

After Pride. I came home and wrote a passionate and political piece for you, readers. It was full of great rhetoric and you know, stuff. I re-read the scribe just now and hit delete. I think I thought I was writing for the New York Times (that is, NYT meets Bitch magazine/Lesbian and Gay Literary Review) . . .

I can wax lyrical with the best of them, but those are not the best things of life; that is, my endless academic drones on the queer politic of sex and gender, that never resolve. Nope, THIS is the best stuff of life . . . the conversations I just had, with our host here, Ms Jenn:

"Honey? Babe? You remember that sort of Olympic ski person you slept with . . . what was her name?"
('Honey-babe' peers above her enthralling book and gives me 'the incredulous' look)
"What was her name....I'm going to Google her"
(Incredulous look becomes look of 'why the hell am I sleeping with you and NOT her right now you unhinged British bint??')
"Sweetie, I am SO bored, just humour me....okay, so I have typed in 'Olympic and skier and lesbian' . . . tsk, that's disappointing, all I have are pictures of John Kerry skiing down a mountain....maybe if I type, "Woman American Lesbi . . . "
(and this goes on, from me, for about 5 minutes while Jenn frowns, shakes her head and resumes her read)
"Okay, babe? Babe, so now I have typed in 'American Canadian Mountains Snow Shoes Skier Olympic Woman' and . . ."

And then, this INNOCENT and terribly grown up endeavour, was cut off with a roaring,

"If you Google one more thing about frigging lesbians ski-ing down frigging mountains you are sleeping on the couch!".

The best stuff of life. Let us now turn to this classic, from earlier this evening . . .

"Schuckums ,baby cakes, polar bear, cutie lips....Richard III is playing in the Shakespeare festival next week...I love that play....'My horse, my horse...my kingdom for a...'...I would love you to take me to it"
"Jesus"
"Baby, this is one of Shakespeare's best and it's going to be free in the park"
"It's outside?????"
"In the park. It's free."
"You want me to take you outside, in the park, to see a Shakespeare play? Outside."
"Yes! It's so brilliant and exciting!! Aren't you brilliantly excited!?!?"
"Let me just clarify this, you want me to take you outside, in the park to see a play where I will get bitten to death, subject myself to two plus hours of Shakespearean English, die of hypothermia and all of this, on a school night?"
"Well, no actually I want you to see a play about this royal bloke that kills his nephews"
"HA! Even if Kate Beckinsale asked me to go see Richard the whatever his name is (outside . . . in the...etc etc) even then, EVEN THEN - I would not go"
"So, that's a no then?"
(Cut back to, THE look)

Yep. Them's* the stuff of life (*as folks back home would say).

Those snatched conversations so ridiculous and so wonderful that only couples in sync could have with one another without any offense (and let's face it, we all know she's taking me to see it). It's having the conversations that leave a glowing inward smile at one anothers idiosyncrasies, when one truly cannot see ones-self, anywhere but here, because here, is a safe, happy and beautiful place.

I write this with Jenn now fast asleep beside me (like you, she drifted off in about paragraph three). She is looking peaceful and so, so beautiful and, come to think of it.....nope, it's okay, she IS still breathing. I like being in tune with someone like this. I like falling asleep and waking up with the woman I love after a night of random nothingness, softly luminated with, what seem, at the time, meaningless conversations and moments.

And so, those are the best things of life:

where I can be me,
she can be she
and this way, wonderfully,
we,
get to be.

Shucks.
Night, babe.